The importance of a mom or female figure in a teen girl’s life

For a teen girl, the mother or female figure in their life is usually the biggest influence, helping to shape them into who they are today and who they’ll be in the future. From an early age, mothers usually set the foundation for the relationship: giving love, showing support, teaching lessons and setting boundaries. These fundamentals come in handy during the teenage years when girls are struggling with their self-identity and looking for guidance, support and reassurance.

Mothers are there to pick their daughters up when they stumble and fall, which tends to happen a lot during a girl’s teen years. With busy school schedules, extracurricular activities, friends, relationships and major decisions about the future all looming, it’s important to have someone there to listen, to give advice and to uplift. As a teen grows and becomes more independent, it’s essential to have a healthy relationship and share a bond that will help her to trust her mother. This will allow her to open up and share any fears or concerns she has, as well as any dangerous or uncomfortable situations she finds herself in.

The mother-daughter relationship is one that you hear about a lot and one that is also seriously tested during the teen years. As teenage girls try to break free of the closeness they share with their mother, it places a strain on their relationship. Although the bond can waver during these years, this is also the most important time in a young woman’s development, where she needs her mother more than anything.

Mothers are there to watch their children grow, learn who they want to be, diminish their insecurities and celebrate the unique individuals they are each and every day!

Happy Mother’s Day to all of the wonderful moms out there, women who mentor youth and all of you who enrich the lives of children – you are one of a kind!

John Townsend, Ph.D.

Your teen has grown up in a highly sophisticated media world, where she has access to friends and information of all kinds, and at all times. The nature of social and electronic media is going to continue moving ahead as technology grows, and that horse is not coming back into the barn! Engaged parents often are concerned about the effect of media of all types on their kids, and they should be. At the same time, there are ways to help your teen to use media in ways that help them with their own growth and development. Here are some tips:

Remember your role as the parent of a teen. You are raising a person who is almost out of the oven. He isn’t a primary school kid, and within a few years he will be out of the house, on his way to college or some work context. So the goal of parenting a teen involves a balance of keeping him safe from toxic influences, while at the same time “launching” him into autonomy, adulthood and his own path. So watch the tendency to be a helicopter parent where you can supervise every minute of his life. It doesn’t help him or you.

Deal with the content of the media. Look at media as fundamentally an information delivery system. It gives your teen information through any combination of words, photos, videos and sounds. There are three types of information: healthy, entertaining and toxic. You want your teen to have healthy information for sure: good educational content, self-development, helpful news, etc. You want him to have a certain amount of entertainment, as we all need a bit of that: movies, games, shows that aren’t dark and crazy. You want to really limit the toxic information: anti-life messages, sexual content, pro-drugs material, and so forth. So determine as a parent, with your teen’s input, what your home balance is: lots of the first, some of the second and none of the third. You want a porn-free, drug-free home, for example. And use all the good technological protections about this. In our home, we used both software and hardware settings for these. When the boys on our sons’ football teams came over to study, they would say, “Mr. Townsend, we can’t get on the sites we like in your house.” And I would say, “That’s the idea!”

Deal with the amount of media. Facebook, Instagram and all the others are fun and exciting, but they can drop your teen into a black hole of empty useless calories! Just like you did with television (hopefully), limit the amount of these. Fill up their time with what they need to do: school, homework, jobs, home chores, church, sports, art, student government, and the like. Then, of the leftover time, they can have some of that to engage in media. But life has to come before media. A CEO in my leadership coaching program has established “Pixel Free Times” with his family, so that they live and connect without it!

Face to face first, media connections second. Texting is fine, but don’t let it substitute for face to face relationships. We have a tradition with our family. At home meals or out to dinner with friends, we create a cellphone tower in the middle of the table. Everyone has to stack their phones on top of each other, on “mute.” And then you have to look at each other and…talk! And it works great.

Be a parent who supports engaging in life and growth with your teen. But be vigilant that her life has lots of “Pixel Free” times.

Best to you.

The Greenhouse & Garden Center is open to the public on April 25, 2015. We hope you come visit us!

ADDRESS:

5233 S. 50 E.
Wabash, IN 46992

HOURS OF OPERATION:

Monday through Friday: 8:30 a.m. – 6 p.m.
Saturday: 8:30 a.m. – 4:30 p.m.

Come select from our inventory that spans over 5,000 plants and around 45 varieties of flowers and bedding plants.

PLANTED CONTAINERS

12” Hanging basket – $15
19” – $49
15” – $25
10” – $10
8” bowl – $8
8” oval bowl – $8
6” pot – $3
4” pot – $2
Tri-pack – $1.50

PLANTS

Petunia
Geranium
Lantana
Begonia
Lobelia
Thunbergia
Colocasia
Helichrysum
Browallia
Gerbera Daisy
New Guinea Impatients
Calibrochoa
Dahlia Evolvulus
Laurentia
Euphorbia
Dichondra
Ipomea
Verbena
Marigold
Scaevola
Pansy
Lavender
Mint
Basil
Sage
Licorice
Heliotrope
Angelonia
Bacopa
Fushia

CONTACT US

Inventory is always changing, please check with us if you are looking for a particular type of plant or flower. For further questions about the center, please contact Deb Main at 260-563-1158.

Jennifer Pease works as a house parent at Compass Rose. She facilitates morning routines, coordinates daily recreation and weekend activities, cooks meals in the cottage and works with the girls on a daily basis, helping them process and deal with daily situations.

When Jennifer came to Compass Rose almost three years ago, she was looking for a meaningful job where she could work with teenage girls and help make a difference in their lives. When Jennifer was a teen, she often felt alone and unworthy of love because of the mistakes she had made. By working at Compass Rose, she’s able to use her story to help others and turn her struggles into something positive. She’s also able to give love to the struggling girls who feel that they too don’t deserve it.

While working with teenage girls has its challenges, Jennifer believes the rewards are much greater. She feels honored to work with such creative, fun and strong-willed girls who just need some help in redirecting their paths. Jennifer’s favorite part about working as a house parent at Compass Rose is seeing the girls wade through the hard times and discover how strong they are and how much worth they have.

A defining moment for Jennifer during her time at Compass Rose occurred during the very first graduation. One of the parents of a graduating student stood up, visibly emotional with both relief and happiness in her eyes, and said “we have our daughter back.” That moment has always stuck with Jennifer. That moment is what keeps her going when times get rough. Compass Rose not only changes the lives of struggling girls but also the families’ lives as well.

“I often think that my job as a houseparent has taught me so much more than I can give to the program. It has been a privilege to work with every girl that has come through Compass Rose and I look forward to serving many more. I am forever grateful for the opportunity I have been given to work with the great people here and all the girls too,” said Jennifer.

Bre-Ann Laypoole serves as a house parent at Compass Rose and is responsible for the student’s day-to-day routine at the cottage, which includes getting the girls to school on time, taking them to their appointments, daily recreation, cooking meals and planning activities. Bre-Ann has been with Compass Rose for almost three years now, joining the team after graduating from the University of Arkansas Pine Bluff with a bachelor’s degree in Nutrition and Dietetics.

She has experience in a number of ministry organizations such as the Baptist Collegiate Ministry, First Baptist White Hall youth group and Bible study at the Boys and Girls Club. Bre-Ann also worked with the Missionary Athletes International soccer ministry called the Chicago Eagles, where she spent two summers using soccer as a tool to share Christ with children in the U.S. and Brazil.

Bre-Ann really loves working with the team at Compass Rose and has experienced a lot of personal growth since arriving almost three years ago which has also helped build better relationships with the girls. One of Bre-Ann’s favorite things about her job is when a student allows her to pray with them. This gives the students a chance to be vulnerable and break through some of those emotional walls they might have up.

Bre-Ann has touched the lives of many while at Compass Rose! Thank you Bre-Ann for being such an important part of our team!

Successful parents. It’s what we strive to become for our children, but rarely feel we’ve achieved.

Our impossible standards of perfect parenting drive our attitudes and expectations for ourselves and our children. We want to believe that if we parent the “right” way, that we will in return bring up good kids who fit our desired outcome. We also want to believe that if our kids are perfect, then that says something of our parenting and most importantly ourselves – that we ourselves are right and good.

But as we all know too well, perfection is simply not possible. Why is it, then, that this lie is so deeply engrained in our hearts and minds, driving our every action? How do you parent “good” children? How do you prevent them from becoming “bad”?

The truths about parenting cannot be found in a list of rules or regulations. It can only be found in following Jesus and letting his Spirit lead. When Jesus died on the cross for our sins, he led us away from a performance-based lifestyle into a grace-filled life with the Holy Spirit. God knew we couldn’t live life alone; he knew that without Jesus, the fruits of our labor couldn’t produce a thing. In other words, without Jesus, even our best attempts at parenting could not turn our child “good.”

In John 15 of the Message, Jesus puts it this way:

“Live in me. Make your home in me just as I do in you. In the same way that a branch can’t bear grapes by itself but only by being joined to the vine, you can’t bear fruit unless you are joined with me. I am the Vine, you are the branches. When you’re joined with me and I with you, the relation intimate and organic, the harvest is sure to be abundant. Separated, you can’t produce a thing.”

It is through a partnership with the Holy Spirit, who leads and guides us according to his holy wisdom, that we can “successfully” parent our children. However, our success does not promise our teen will always act correctly – troubled teens are not always a result of inadequate parenting.

Our job as parents is to parent out of our best hopes instead of our worst fears; to give him or her the necessary tools, guidance and resources to make the right choices, and to leave the rest up to God.

We must cast away the idea that if we aren’t perfect and our children aren’t perfect, that everything is ruined.  Our kids will have moments of disobedience and some will struggle with a real hard issue – but just as Jesus has overcome, so shall our teens.

Parenting with grace doesn’t mean excluding obedience, respect or discipline, it means leading and disciplining our kids out of our best expectations for them. We must let God come alongside us in our areas of weakness and ask that he help us lead and parent in the way of His nature, character and everlasting love.

All in all, successful parenting means failure is not the end, because His grace is sufficient.

2 Corinthians 12:9 : But he said to me, “My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness.” Therefore I will boast all the more gladly about my weaknesses, so that Christ’s power may rest on me.

How can someone you love so much make you so incredibly angry?

Communication between teens and parents can be difficult, if not impossible, at times. However upset your teen may make you feel, it is vital that you don’t let your anger provoke you into responding destructively.

Here’s how to keep your cool and parent with patience, not fury.

First, you must understand that leaving an argument without resolving it will not keep that same argument from resurfacing later.

If you and your teen are constantly arguing about the same things, maybe the real issue hasn’t been resolved. It is essential to look beyond the argument to the core problem. Does your teen continue to make plans with friends before consulting you? Why does she do this? Is she afraid you will say “no”? Talk it out with your teen and explain to her that your intentions are loving, not spiteful. And try to come to a conclusion on how to deal with similar situations in the future.

Second, accusing and shouting are hurtful and raise one’s defenses.

It is no wonder your teen doesn’t want to hear you out if you yell at her, using name-calling or labeling. It goes the other way, too. No parent wants to cooperate with a teen who curses or insults.

One thing is clear here: Attacking one’s character is a sure-fire way to damage a relationship.

Our words have the ability to cut deeper than a knife. Accusing someone with phrases that begin with “You never” or “You always” can quickly escalate an argument into a full-on war.

Instead, use the phrase “I feel” to start a conversation.  For example, “I feel disrespected when you don’t tell me where you’re going after school.”

Third, why do conflicts with teens so quickly escalate into rage? It’s because your teen is trapped on a never-ending emotional roller coaster – complete with corkscrews, loops, historic highs and depressing drops.

In all seriousness, the intensity of your daughter’s emotions causes her to sometimes be a complete brat – but is that acceptable? No. But should you stoop to her level? Absolutely not.

So what’s a parent to do when things are getting heated and your patience is beyond tested? Take a break.  Let her huff and puff all the way to her room and let her know that you will continue the discussion later when both of you have calmed down.

This is a great way to model self-control and patience, showing that you can handle her anger and intense emotion but you also have clear boundaries about how that emotion is expressed to you. Stopping before things get intense teaches her that screaming and hurtful words are not acceptable, and that the conflict won’t be resolved until she agrees to peacefully talk through the problem with you – and reach a clear conclusion.

If you or your teen need additional support managing conflict in a healthy way, contact Compass Rose today.

Proverbs 15:18
Losing your temper causes a lot of trouble, but staying calm settles arguments. (CEV)

Idle time is trouble time.

OK, not always, but studies have shown that the hour or two after school is when teens are at highest risk for dangerous activities such as substance abuse, because most kids are alone and unsupervised at this time.  Spending the time playing video games, browsing social media or watching TV isn’t much better.

Teens need activities that will help them develop their skills and their character. Your child won’t magically become a hard-working individual if she has never participated in activities that test her determination and judgment. Likewise, no one is “born” a leader – individuals adopt leadership skills through learning to cooperate with others.

Encouraging your teen to get involved in an after-school extracurricular activity can help keep her out of trouble and improve her character. Sports teams, academic groups, school clubs, art classes or music lessons – whatever she chooses, chances are there are many opportunities for her to get involved in something that engages her passions and also contributes positively to her development.

Organized activities not only teach life skills, they engage your teen’s mind and body, bring her into contact with new people and ideas and help her reach career goals. Extracurricular activities also look great on job applications and show college admissions officers your daughter is well-rounded, responsible and dependable.

Help your child choose an after-school activity by asking her what she is passionate about or dreams of doing one day. She might be interested in an activity that can help prepare her for her career. For example, if she wants to become a nurse, encourage her to volunteer her time serving others at a hospital or health-related charity. If she hopes to become a lawyer, sign her up for debate club. An engineer? Try the robotics club.  A reporter? Look into the school newspaper or TV station. And so forth.

The teenage years are also a great time to explore new interests, and team sports can help develop your teen’s ability to focus and improve her fitness, gross motor skills and self-control and social skills. Participating in trial classes are a great way to test out whether an activity is a good fit or not. Tennis may seem fun at first, but a trial class may show her it’s not really her cup of tea but basketball might be it.

And if you’re looking for a more cost-friendly activity, club activities can be less expensive than private lessons.

Students who participate in after-school programs often show higher rates of school attendance and better attitudes toward learning.  But however beneficial an extracurricular may be, don’t overexert your teen. It’s great to keep your daughter challenged, but don’t let her become emotionally or physically drained. Your teen needs enough time for homework and a good night’s sleep. A healthy dose of free time is also necessary to recharge her batteries.

If you have any questions about helping your child choose a quality after-school program, contact Compass Rose today.

Theologian and celebrated novelist C.S. Lewis once wrote, “My own eyes are not enough for me; I will see through those of others.”

Variations of this philosophy have been a key part of religion and spirituality since the earliest days of man. Through the visual arts, concrete expressions of faith — from primitive pictographs, to modern canvases, sculptures and architecture — invite us to look at the world as it is and may even urge us to see it as it might be.

In worship, our emotions, bodies and imaginations are all part of the process. Some people are moved by the visual arts for this reason: It serves to invite an intentional and intensive participation. In the Renaissance, Biblical-themed art was commissioned just for this reason. When displayed in the church, it not only taught a scriptural story — it had the power to create strong emotions and stimulate feelings of joy, grief or fear that observers would then relate as a spiritual experience.

Today, art can still be used as a vehicle for worship. Even if the subject of art is secular, observing and interpreting art can help us to pay attention to the world around us. To truly appreciate a work of art, the piece must be viewed and studied numerous times, considered for its meaning and — most importantly — questioned. “How does it make you feel? Why did the artist choose this color? What do you think she was trying to say through this piece?” This is similar to the way we approach studying the word of God. It helps develop critical thinking skills essential to spiritual growth, and it helps foster a deeper understanding of the material.

At Compass Rose Academy, we integrate the visual arts into our curriculum in a number of ways. First, we fill the campus with artwork to create an environment of tranquility and foster a love of beauty. Some teens might experience closeness to God or focused inner peace simply by observing and experiencing a compelling painting or installation.

In addition, Compass Rose therapists can use art therapy and other guided self-expression to help teens work through complicated issues on canvas or in clay. The creation process not only channels a teen’s energy; it can help him communicate his feelings, express his faith or capture the beauty of God’s world.

Whether your teen enjoys creating her own original art or merely appreciates the work of others, the visual arts provide an alternative medium for worship and spiritual exploration. To learn more about how to help your teen connect with God through the arts, contact ustoday.

Family involvement is one of the most crucial elements of success at Compass Rose Academy. One of the main roles that Compass Rose Academy plays is bridging the gap of communication between the parent and child. From individual family therapy to the parent weekends and family sessions, our staff and counselors stay in constant communication with the family throughout the entire treatment process.

Compass Rose Academy hosted another fun and inspiring family weekend Jan. 23 – 26, focusing on the idea of making relationships work.

Parents and students participated is games and activities that served as stepping stones for building a healthy relationship. Every activity we do during family weekends has a therapeutic element to it in order to help strengthen relationships and provide growth. Plus, therapy can be fun!

Believe it or not, we played a fun game that involved piggy banks-for every one negative interaction, every relationships must have five positive experiences in the bank. Think about a close relationship that you have-what is the ratio of positives to negatives?

Click here, to learn more about parent weekends and other ways parents can get involved.

John Townsend, Ph.D.

One of the absolute requirements for a healthy teen is healthy friendships.

Adolescents are social beings. They are curious about others, want support and understanding, and like people to identify with. Parents and family are simply not enough at this stage, and actually that is a good thing. It is the stage of life in which teens are preparing themselves for college, jobs, careers, marriage and long lasting relationships.  The better their friendships now, the better their future. Unfortunately, teens can often not use good judgment about the people they are hanging out with, and who can influence them in negative ways. Add to that the accelerant of social media, when a teen can instantly be connected to many, many people, and you can have a problem. Here are some tips to help you help your adolescent make the right choices in relationships.

Find out where the healthy teens are and take your teen there. No matter where you live, there are healthy positive adolescents. They aren’t perfect, and they have rough edges, but they are good-hearted, kind and responsible. Where are the ones in your community?  If your teen has no idea, check with her school and ask. It might be a campus organization, or a community group, a sports team, a music association, or a healthy church. But make a ground rule that your teen needs to be interacting with good kids.

Make your home a place for the right kids. Invite kids to your house for parties, homework study groups and other events. Be one of the places they hang out. A couple friend of mine recently moved themselves and their three teens from a small town community to a major metropolitan area. They found that the other parents were unsure what to do, and had no ways to get kids together. So they got their kids involved in sports teams, and set up team parties for the players, their parents and the coaches. Nothing had ever happened like that at the school, and parents thanked them for getting things moving in that area.

Get the root of why your teen is attracted to toxic kids. It is unsettling when your adolescent is drawn to druggies, conduct disorders, slackers and other negative types.  While it’s good that your teen likes everyone, and has friends in all groups, it’s a problem when he prefers a group that will bring him down and get him in trouble. Talk to your teen about this and find out what the attraction is. Say, “I’m not judging your friends. But I want to know what it is you like about them, and what you get out of the relationship when you’re with them.”

Sometimes a teen feels that there is so much structure and so many rules in the home that he needs people who are more free. This might mean it’s a good time to evaluate if your home rules are healthy and balanced, or need some changing.  You may need to be more consistent, have more ground rules, or less. At other times, a teen may pick a friend whose struggles mirror some problem he is having that he can’t talk about in the home. For example, a teen who picks strugglers because she can’t talk about her own struggles at home without a lecture. This might be a sign for you to listen more and lecture less.

Don’t prohibit the time with the less desirable teens unless they are truly dangerous or toxic. There are kids that are a “stay away” group. They are serious problems and dangerous. But there is a group in between the “OK” kids and the dangerous kids who you shouldn’t have a hard rule against them having friendships. If you do this, you run the risk of a pushback against you, involving lying and sneaking to see them. Limit the time with the “in between” kids.

Keep abreast of social media. You can’t unscramble this egg; social media is here to stay, and it has many good qualities as well as things to be concerned about. Get an IT person from your school or community to educate you on being able to check in and monitor social media on all devices: phones, laptops and tablets. Don’t be a smother parent, but don’t be ignorant as well. If your teen is choosing negative relationships through the media, she loses the privilege and has to earn it back.

Your teen, deep inside, wants good kids around him. Continue making your home a place where he can have those relationships.

Many teens believe that their inability to reach a goal undermines their value as a person.

There are those who don’t even try, believing that while trying and failing reflects poorly on their abilities, not trying and failing keeps their self-worth intact. And then there are those who accept failure as their default mode. To them, their repeated failures indicate that they have no abilities, and if by chance they do succeed at something, it is because of forces beyond their control.

Unfortunately, life is full of setbacks. Sheltering your teen from disappointment will not help her become a successful young woman who leads a life of joy instead of defeat.

However, helping your teen see through her failures will help her develop the key characteristics she needs to lead a healthy and successful life – traits like initiative, determination, and empowerment.

Here are a few ways you can prepare your teen to deal with setbacks and see them as opportunities for growth.

Talk to your daughter about her efforts instead of her abilities. Her feelings of confidence will grow from overcoming difficulty, not being told she is great at everything. Research has indicated that those who are reassured for their efforts are more motivated to succeed. Your daughter can’t control her abilities but she can control her efforts. By emphasizing the importance of a hard work ethic, she will come to find that improvement rather than perfection is the true measure of success.

Remind her that absolutely no one got it right the first time – not even Thomas Edison! The next time your daughter is feeling down, remind her of those who failed many times before finally getting it right. For instance, how many times did it take to perfect the light bulb?  1,000. Did you know Oprah Winfrey was fired from her first job because she was told she was “unfit for TV?” How about that Walt Disney was told a mouse would never work? And if she doesn’t make a sports team, tell her how Michael Jordan was cut from his high school basketball team.

These reminders will encourage her to try again and broaden her outlook on life’s possibilities.

Offer her a healthy dose of reality. When you’re 14, not getting invited to a classmate’s birthday party can seem like the end of the world! However, when you help your teen take a step back to realize some of the truly traumatic things happening in the world, she might come to find her setback is actually not as bad as it seemed and is even an opportunity for growth. Lending your teen perspective will allow her to see that one mistake does not mean failure, and not getting an invite doesn’t mean she is worthless.

Finally, be a strong role model for failure. Get rid of the attitude that, as the parent, you are always right.  Yes, I know this might be hard to swallow, but you’re not because you’re not perfect. Recognizing your failures and handling them with grace will help your teen to see that failure is a part of everyone’s life, and happiness is still possible.

If your teen’s fear of failure is deeply affecting her life, please contact Compass Rose today for help.

Matthew 1:18:

This is how the birth of Jesus the Messiah came about^[d]: His mother Mary was pledged to be married to Joseph, but before they came together, she was found to be pregnant through the Holy Spirit. ¹⁹ Because Joseph her husband was faithful to the law, and yet^[e] did not want to expose her to public disgrace, he had in mind to divorce her quietly.

²⁰ But after he had considered this, an angel of the Lord appeared to him in a dream and said, “Joseph son of David, do not be afraid to take Mary home as your wife, because what is conceived in her is from the Holy Spirit. ²¹ She will give birth to a son, and you are to give him the name Jesus,^[f] because he will save his people from their sins.”

²² All this took place to fulfill what the Lord had said through the prophet: ²³ “The virgin will conceive and give birth to a son, and they will call him Immanuel”^[g] (which means “God with us”).

²⁴ When Joseph woke up, he did what the angel of the Lord had commanded him and took Mary home as his wife. ²⁵ But he did not consummate their marriage until she gave birth to a son. And he gave him the name Jesus.

_____

This entire Christmas season, I have not been able to get the character of ‘Joseph’ out of my head and heart.  Every time I re-read the Nativity Story, I am more and more impressed that Joseph is the real hero.

We actually know very little about Joseph.  We know he was a young man engaged to Mary.  We know he was originally from Bethlehem and living in Nazareth.  We know he was an honorable, law-abiding citizen.  Yet none of these facts or traits are why we are still telling his story.

We are still talking about Joseph 2000 years later for one simple reason:

Joseph chose to raise a child that was not his own.

It is as simple as that.

Many in the White’s family are answering the Call of God by leaving a ‘Joseph Legacy.’

Jared and Erica Cordes are two of those people.

Jared and Erica met at the University of Wisconsin, where they were both NCAA Championship runners.  They continued to get serious as they traveled to Colorado Springs as Olympic hopefuls.  Both shared a devout faith and a determination to help the most marginalized of children.

When Jared and Erica married and moved to Wabash, Indiana, they felt called to foster children.  They were introduced to a sibling group of four from White’s, whose ages were: four, three, three and two.  The children came from a challenging background, and it was apparent that caring for them initially was a full time job. Erica left her position as a high school social worker in order to be a 24-hour-a-day social worker for four toddlers.  The two girls and two boys soon thrived under the love of Jared and Erica, and in 2008, Jared and Erica adopted those four children.

Six weeks after signing the adoption papers, Jared and Erica found out they were pregnant.  Isaiah was born, followed by Tesa a few years later.  Having six children (many with long-stemming issues) has not been easy.  But you will never hear Jared and Erica complain.

In fact, they are too busy working three jobs each to ever complain.  Currently, Erica is a health coach at a local doctor’s office, she teaches spin classes at the Y (at 5 a.m.!) and helps Jared farm their blackberry fields by hand (often with a baby on her lap as she drives the tractor).  Jared works at Broadbeck Seed in the off season, helps his father farm and also runs Cordes Blackberry Farm.  They are heavily active in their church and community.

In the Cordes kitchen, there is a simple sign that epitomizes their faith.  It simply says “Work Hard.  Trust God.” I cannot think of a better reflection of the humility and trust.

Is God calling you, like the Cordes family, to live a Joseph Legacy?  I hope and pray you will answer the call.

On His Team,
Amy Cornell, Campus Chaplain

John Townsend, Ph.D.

The Christmas and New Years Holiday season is a special time for families and friends to reconnect and celebrate the birth of Christ.  At the same time, the positive impact of this holiday can be diluted by the mass commercialism of the day, and the stress and pressure to consume and become frenzied and obsessed with gifts and “things.”  While gifts are a sign of care to those you love, it can diminish the good you want to experience, and often leave people entering the New Year feeling empty, as if they missed something, which they did.  Here are a few tips to right your needle and welcome the New Year with a great Christmas behind you.

Set a ratio of 70 percent experiences to 30 percent wrapped gifts.   Most of us really have what we need, and our kids do too.  The “things” often get forgotten, broken, thrown away or given away. But experiences will last forever, and they become great memories of doing fun things with those you care about.  For example:  a sports event, a music concert, a hike or a spa day.  Most of us don’t give ourselves enough peak experiences, but we have way too many “things.”  Be creative and put some thought into what your family members would really appreciate.

Talk about the “why” of the gift.  Instead of shredding through lots of presents, have a tradition in which the giver explains why they gave that present to the givee.  It will mean more. For example, “That shirt reminds me of your sparkly personality” or “That dinner reservation is because the restaurant holds great memories of us together in the past.”

Read the Bible and talk about the spiritual core of Christmas.  Healthy families read the Bible together, talk about their faith and pray together.  Don’t lean on the church service to do that job.  Kids need to know they are being raised in a family in which Christ is worshipped.  And if your child is questioning or denying the faith, that doesn’t mean she can go read in her room while you are reading the family Bible.  She needs to attend as well, just as every member has to work, go to school and take out the trash.  She is being raised in a Christian home, no matter where her faith is.  Without being pushy or harsh, talk about your faith and even have discussions about her questions or skepticism.

Schedule serving time.  The neuroscience research on altruism says that giving to, and serving others less fortunate, is almost like an antidepressant to your brain.  You simply “feel better” when you know you are making someone’s day better during the holidays.  Find a soup kitchen, check with your church for service opportunities or feed the homeless.  Our family has done all of these things, and they have been highlights for us.

Have thoughtful and honest talks about difficult matters that are pressing. Sometimes people avoid dealing with their feelings about challenges they are facing, such as a marriage problem, a parenting issue or a financial struggle.  They don’t want to spoil the holiday.  You certainly don’t want to ruin a dinner with some protracted argument.  But don’t pretend that negative realities don’t exist, and don’t “play happy.”  Kids can sense it, and it will cut you off from your true self.  Instead, talk to a family member or a safe person in your life about the issue.  You will feel more whole, and relieved that you are not alone with the struggle.

Just put a little effort into adding these tips, and your holiday will go much better!

There are many threats to teen girls today. Unfortunately, one of the gravest threats is a quiet, creeping disorder that many parents may not notice until it’s too late.

Eating disorders are very common among teens. Statistics from the National Association of Anorexia Nervosa and Associated Disorders show 95 percent of people with eating disorders are between the ages of 12 and 25. Perhaps of more concern is the association’s finding that 50 percent of girls between the ages of 11 and 13 see themselves as fat, and 80 percent of 13-year-olds have attempted to lose weight.

This is not an isolated problem in the U.S. In fact, anorexia is the third most common chronic illness in adolescent females, and eating disorders in schools are almost as prevalent as alcohol and drug abuse: 9.8 percent of female students reported problems with alcohol, 8 percent had problems with drugs, and 7.8 percent had eating disorders.

In order to identify and prevent eating disorders, parents must first know how to recognize the behaviors in their daughter – and to understand the difference between wellness-focused behaviors and rituals that center around unhealthy ideas about food and body image.

Eating disorders involve more than just going on a diet to lose weight or trying to exercise every day. Teens with these conditions display extremes in eating behavior, such as a diet that never ends and gradually gets more restrictive, for example. Parents may notice a change in their child’s behaviors. A teen may suddenly stop spending time with friends because she thinks it’s more important to go running or might make excuses to avoid joining friends for activities she used to enjoy, like baking cookies before a slumber party or going out for pizza after a football game.

The most common eating disorders are anorexia nervosa and bulimia nervosa. But teens may also engage in other other food-related dysfunctional behaviors, such as binge eating and food phobias.

People with anorexia have a real fear of weight gain and a distorted view of their body size and shape. As a result, they can’t maintain a normal body weight. Many restrict their food intake by dieting, fasting or excessive exercise, and others hardly eat at all — and the small amount of food they do eat becomes an obsession.

Bulimia is similar to anorexia. With bulimia, someone might binge eat and then try to compensate in extreme ways, such as forced vomiting, overdoses of laxatives or excessive exercise, to prevent weight gain. Over time, these steps can be dangerous — both physically and emotionally. Bulimics often have tooth damage from enamel loss; may suffer from ulcers and esophageal damage from the constant regurgitation of stomach acids; and may even show signs of starvation such as hair loss, because so little of the food they eat is absorbed to feed the body.

Eating disorders are frightening – and should be taken seriously. Teens with eating disorders usually need medical and psychological support to recover from the condition. There is no quick fix or cure for eating disorders – because eating disorders, at their root, have nothing to do with food. A reputable therapeutic program can help assess the primary cause of your teen’s eating disorder and help create a strategy for healing and recovery.

In addition, there are things parents can do at home to help. First, help your teen find a replacement for her obsessions with food, exercise and body image. Suggest new activities, such as art classes, volunteering, a church youth group or music. Help her find a new focus to distract from her unhealthy, disordered eating behaviors, excessive or ritualistic exercise habits or restrictive dieting. Teens struggling with eating disorders often are drawn to activities based on weight regulation and exercise, so help her to replace her former physically focused activities with more creative or service-oriented endeavors.

Make a plan for meal times, too. Young women with eating disorders may be very anxious and feel guilty for eating, so meal times require support and supervision. Try to model balanced meals and talk about food as nourishment rather than something more complicated. In addition, refrain from dieting or restricting your own intake, and surround your daughter with people who can share a healthy attitude about food.

Finally, give your teen some healthy control of her meals. Set aside time to shop for groceries and prepare food together. Learning how to cook provides another skill to enable independence and can help your teen rediscover how to enjoy food in a healthful way. Trying new recipes also helps increase the number of “safe foods” your daughter will eat and promotes more normalized eating.

To learn how Compass Rose Academy can help your teen – and your family – recover from an eating disorder, visit www.compassroseacademy.org.

Ever wonder the meaning behind the gibberish your teen is texting to her friends or her boyfriend?

Texting has its own language, and now it’s becoming even harder for parents to decipher. LOL and BRB are of the past – texting acronyms today go beyond the basics to talking about pesky parents, sex and relationships and even secret meeting places.

Dig a little deeper by reading Cool Mom Tech’s article, 99 texting acronyms and phrases that every parent should know.

TTYL! (Talk to you later!)

Dr. John Townsend, who endorses our work at Compass Rose Academy, will be the keynote speaker at this year’s National Association of Therapeutic Schools and Programs (NATSAP) conference. NATSAP is an exceptional organization that supports what we do at Compass Rose! We could not be more thrilled to be a part of such an uplifting organization that serves as an advocate and resource for schools and programs who devote themselves to the needs of struggling teens and their families.

To learn more about NATSAP and their annual conference, please click HERE.

Holiday break is finally here – three long weeks with your beloved children all together under one roof. The stockings are hung above the fireplace, shiny tinsel is weaved through the tree and your family’s favorite Christmas cookies are baking in the oven. Any minute now, your teens will come running through your front door ready to embrace you with open arms and excited to start their holiday break off right!

As wonderful as it seems, this scenario rarely occurs outside of a Hallmark movie. Christmas break can feel more like chaos than peace. With more time on her hands, your daughter finds trouble in and outside your festive home. Screaming fits spread faster than Christmas cheer, and the only place joy can be found in your home is etched on an ornament – which will probably be broken by Michael the next time you tell him he can’t stay out past 11 p.m.

So what is a parent to do this Christmas? How can you have the peaceful, fun-filled Christmas break you dream about while listening to Bing Crosby?

You must first understand the missing component: structure and a schedule. When your child has a planned timeline to follow each day, he or she is less likely to step out of line. Not every hour has to be accounted for, but setting goals and planning activities will help keep your child busy and out of trouble. Busy with homework? No. Busy with fun, yet productive, activities? Yes.

Second, greed has a way of stealing Christmas cheer. Don’t fill your child’s Christmas break with commercialized activities. Instead, fill his or her time highlighting the joy of giving and sharing the Christmas spirit. You could start by giving your time to those in need. Try caroling in your neighborhood, hospital or homeless shelter. During each visit, allow for a few seasonal songs and readings from scriptures proclaiming the birth of Jesus. Ask a few other families to join your outing to make it more fun for your kids.

In our rush to make Christmas the perfect holiday, we often forget to involve our children in the gift of Jesus’ coming. Invite your children to decorate your home in celebration of Christ’s birth. Biblical symbolism can be found in many Christmas decorations. While placing the Christmas tree in your home, mention to your children how evergreens never lose their greenery, just like we have the gift of eternal life. As you string the lights, remind your teens that Jesus is the light of the world. Finally, when you place the star on top of the tree, share the story of the star that guided the three wise men to Jesus’ birth place.

When kids are cooped up in one place for too long, they can get restless and irritable. Plan a family outing to see a Christmas play, whether it’s the nativity story or a Christmas performance showcasing good will and cheer like “A Christmas Carol.”

Finally, if both you and your spouse are working during your children’s break, you will need to find someone who can provide supervision in a safe environment. One option is to call upon extended family members to help. However, if Grandma and Grandpa are not close by, try coordinating a supervising schedule with other trustworthy families. You may also reach out to local organizations such as your local church, YMCA, Boys and Girls Clubs or other organizations for holiday programs and camps.

For additional support and advice on managing your teens over Christmas, contact us today.

National studies show that the average age a child first tries alcohol is 11 – for marijuana, it’s 12.

Talking with your kids about drugs and alcohol is not easy. The subject doesn’t conveniently come up at the dinner table, and it’s not something kids normally ask their parents about.  Nonetheless, it is crucial that a parent communicate the facts and consequences of drugs and alcohol to their child long before they are influenced by others.

Remember how often you reminded your kids to look both ways before crossing the street? You knew that if your child ran out in front of the road, there could be horrible consequences. Likewise, it’s important that you drive home the message to your teen that using alcohol and drugs isn’t okay – and can have dire consequences.

Remember:

1.  Have an open conversation without censorship or judgment. Listening to your child’s feelings and concerns without being quick to reply allows him to feel comfortable enough to talk freely, opening the door for you and your spouse to talk about more difficult subjects.

2.  Take advantage of teachable moments. Talking about TV shows or music that portrays drug or alcohol use can serve as gateways into discussions about avoiding drug and alcohol use. Start conversations about stories in the news involving drunk driving and other drug-related consequences, to understand your child’s thoughts and feelings. Warn your teen about the legal issues of drugs and alcohol – like jail time and fines, and the possibility that they or someone else might be seriously injured or killed.

3. Chat frequently. The more often you bring the subject up, the more your children will come forward with questions of their own. When there is censorship in the home, kids go elsewhere to find answers – some of which are unreliable.

4. Educate yourself. Unfortunately, there’s always a new trend when it comes to teenage drug and alcohol abuse. Learn about the facts before you approach your child so you’re armed with the best information possible.

5. Let your child speak. As your kids begin to ask questions, let them respond with an answer first. This teaches your teen to think logically, setting them up for successful decision making in the future.

Proverbs 22:6: “Train your children in the way they should go, and when they are older, they will not turn from it.”

If you suspect a problem with your teen in regards to drugs or alcohol and need outside help, contact Compass Rose today.