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What Are Parent Weekends?

Whether you are a staff, student, or parent, one of the best times at Compass Rose is Parent Weekend. Our quarterly parent weekends are designed to be intensive but paced, challenging but fun, and vulnerable but rewarding. 

There are a few primary and crucial goals for the weekends:

  1. We hope that parents walk away feeling more connected to other parents and perhaps for the first time on their journey feeling that they are not alone. They meet with other parents who’ve walked a similar road with similar challenges and draw strength, even relational fuel, from the connections they make. 
  2. We hope that parents feel more connected to the staff and the overall program at Compass Rose. We want them to see the staff interact, get to know them as people, and learn more about the team as a whole that is caring for their daughter. They will also gain a better understanding of the Growth Model and gain practical tools and information to support them. 
  3. We hope parents walk away with a feeling or realization that “I’m in the program too.” Often at their first parent weekend, parents begin to see hope and a path forward, including seeing ways that they themselves will be challenged and supported as they too learn and grow alongside their daughters. 
  4. Finally, we hope that parents experience a challenging but supportive environment where they and their daughters can practice new ways of being and relating. There is enough time and space for old patterns to surface and just enough direction and support to begin to break old cycles. 

We are looking forward to our next Parent Weekend January 23-26 that will focus on bonding and attunement as well as the DBT skills of mindfulness. 

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Influence

“I am the one thing in life I can control” – Aaron Burr, Hamilton

In recent years, culture has seen an increase in “influencers.” With the rise of social media, common people now have access to public platforms that used to be reserved for the famous or wealthy.  “Influencers” build followings on their Youtube channels, Instagram stories, or Facebook feeds. Some of them use their platforms to influence thoughts while others are paid to review or pitch products by companies that want to target the influencer’s following.

Influence is defined by the New Oxford American Dictionary as, “the capacity

to have an effect on the character, development, or behavior of someone or something.” While our virtual personas and lives are growing as social media is more integrated with our daily life, our greatest influence is still in our homes with those in which we are relating closely.

As a parent, it is so tempting to live in the delusion that we have control over our teens (or children or young adults or whatever stage of parenting in which you are). The reality is that our teens, like us, are created with a free will. This is even more magnified in some teens who are described “strong-willed” and escalate from asleep to power struggle faster than our Keurig brews a cup of coffee.

Yet, absence of control does not equal absence of influence. While it’s healthy for us as parents to surrender our sense of control- we must not surrender our sense of influence. The capacity to influence teens is built through:

  • prioritizing relationship over being right
  • promoting healthy choices over coercion
  • empowering over perfection

Influence is the daily practice of being attuned and tender to our teen’s emotional needs, taking ownership of our own mistakes to earn respect, showing interest in passions and talents, and staying regulated when life is tense and challenging.

Aaron Burr is right, the only thing in life we can control is ourselves. We can control our investment in earning influence in our teen’s lives.

STACEY RUBERG, MA, LMHC Stacey Ruberg

Stacey is the Clinical Director for Compass Rose Academy. She holds a bachelor’s degree from Huntington University and a master’s degree in marriage and family therapy from Indiana Wesleyan University. Stacey has been a mental health counselor for 15 years and previously worked in residential, community, and academic settings. She believes redemption can be a part of everyone’s story and has a passion for walking alongside people in that process. Stacey and her husband of twenty years, Keith, are both native Midwesterners. He works for IMG Insurance in Marion and also coaches at Indiana Wesleyan University. They have a daughter, Adria, and a son, Gavin. Stacey enjoys camping, photography, and cheering on her kids in various sporting events.

Why I Let My Daughter Fail on a Regular Basis

If there’s one thing you know about me, it’s that I am flat out obsessed with my two-year-old daughter. She’s at that stage where she is into everything and if there are a few minutes of quiet then I know something could be terribly wrong. Just the other day she drew with bright yellow marker all over our brand new dining room chairs. I wish I could say that this was the first “mishap” with markers-but it wasn’t.

The other day we were working on decorating Christmas ornaments to hang on our tree. I fearfully handed over the paint and paintbrush to my daughter and let her go to town. It took everything in me not to attempt to control the outcome of her artwork. She had paint everywhere and the ornament wasn’t exactly aesthetically pleasing as I had imagined it would be. I desperately wanted to jump in and help her but I knew I shouldn’t. As a parent, it is my job to guide her and keep her safe. This is why I rolled up her sleeves, laid out some newspaper and made sure she didn’t eat the paint.

A teacher’s role in the classroom is similar in that it is our job to guide our students-not control the outcomes. Our role is to pose questions, offer feedback and come alongside our students as they struggle and succeed. This can be difficult to do because just like parenting as teachers we want the best for our students. Sometimes, the best experience we can offer our students is the gift of failure. The opportunity to fall, pick yourself up, and try again. The opportunity to try something new and out of the box and internalize what it really feels like to succeed. The experience for them to learn and grow on their own, without us hovering over their shoulder ready to scoop them up and protect them from the world. Moving forward, I challenge you to take a look at your own kids or students. How are you providing safety and security for them- while also giving them room to grow in their own failures and mistakes?

Katherine has worked in both public and private Christian school settings and has a history of serving on an accreditation team for a school working through the accreditation process with the Association of Christian Schools International. She has served in a professional development leadership capacity for a team of teachers in the past and is currently working on her Masters in Curriculum and Instruction at Indiana Wesleyan University. Katherine is highly motivated and has felt led by God to work on the Compass Rose Academy team.  She has a great heart for the students at Compass Rose. Katherine lives in Somerset, Indiana with her husband, Patrick, and daughter, Piper.